Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Wild Wild Retro Review

When Netflix recommends such an amazing farce as Will Smith's 1999 blockbuster, Wild Wild West, you have no choice but to rewatch it and revel in the glory days of Smith taking every role he could find. The movie stars Will Smith, Kevin Kline, and Kenneth Branagh, along with a giant mechanical spider.

Yes, Jon Peters, apparently upset about the failed Superman Lives film, made sure to get plenty of mileage out of his giant spider concept. We see Spider Canyon, two mechanical spiders, a plan about designing a flying machine involving a wasp eating spider somehow, and plenty of spider motifs. Nearly the entire movie was built around the giant mechanical spider bot, despite it's clear and obvious weakness of "Why don't we just shoot at the open deck the driver is standing on?"

Seriously guys. It's right there.

Technically speaking, the film also "stars" Salma Hayek. Her role seems to consist entirely of being a trophy for the male characters to argue over for no purpose whatsoever. She is a football, to be passed between the men to reiterate just how horny they all are. That's not hyperbole. This movie is very obsessed with Loveless's(Branagh) sexual frustrations. More on that in a moment. When I say Hayek's Rita Escobar character does nothing, she really does nothing. She ends up in various stages of near rape, begs people to save her father, tags along to help, does the opposite of help one time, resulting in their capture, and in the end is reunited with her husband, because she is female, and the only thing a woman can offer a man is apparently the promise of sex.